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I don't sleep anymore


"I’ve been having terrible sleepless nights this year, I know a lot of people have. A sort of frantic reconfiguring of life in the darkness, trying to image how best to live while often feeling attacked by the very fabric of our society.

I can’t find peace, and it’s at night that those hauntings pour in through my eyes, ears and nose. I joke that it’s because I’m haunted. Which is only half a joke because it is also true. I’m haunted by the colonial violence of this continent, of the blood shed and of the negligence where I lay my head. By fires, pandemic and the constant question of what Bla(c)k and queer life is worth.

I’m haunted by hope and possibility and the desire to somehow make a difference, to somehow help, to somehow heal.In the middle of the night I rarely heal anything, though sometimes I write poems to try to help navigate through it all, or at least, to try to find alternative endings.
Jazz Money is a poet, filmmaker and digital producer of Wiradjuri heritage, currently based on the beautiful sovereign lands of the Darug and Gundungurra nations. Jazz is the 2020 winner of the David Unaipon Award, and her debut collection of poetry is forthcoming with University of Queensland Press.